How to duckface: A guide for home handymen

You will need a drill, spirit level, masking tape, pencil, and a tile-cutting drill bit.

First, look at the instructions in horror. Find the section that claims to be written in English, sit down, read it through twice, and then scratch your head:

The first instruction says: Mark position of the mirror on the wall by holding it against the wall and marking mirror edges.. You will immediately discover that mirrors are heavy, awkward, and fragile. Thus they require two hands to hold against the wall, leaving none for marking. Interrupt the nearest person from whatever they might be doing and ask them to hold the mirror for you.

Having thought ahead and considered that pencils don’t work on bathroom tiles, you should have the masking tape to hand. Apply masking tape where pencil marks are likely to go and mark the height of the mirror. Extend this line horizontally and vertically using the spirit level to keep your marks square:

Mark the position of the mounting hardware using additional tape and then carefully drill holes through the tiles and underlying cement board:

As per the instructions, insert the supplied plastic dowls, taking care not to damage the tiles as you hammer the dowls flush. Check the internet to confirm that the instructions have misspelt dowels. Screw the supplied mounting hardware into place, but do not fully tighten the adjustable upper mounting points:

Hang the mirror to check position and alignment. The upper mounting points can be rotated to adjust and level out the mirror:

When the spirit level indicates that the mirror is level, fully tighten the upper mounting points, re-hang the mirror, and duckface:

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