Quiet, dignified slurping

The Great British Art of Understatement, part 53:
The world may have just ended in a nuclear war, but the important factor, the really key factor that we need to consider is will we have enough tea?

The latest must-watch reality TV show:
Trading Leaders

The Pope and Margaret Thatcher are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The ex-PM and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, Maggie says to the Pope, “did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every Conservative in the crowd go wild?”

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Conservative in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. “That was impressive, but did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.”

Thatcher seriously doubts this and says so. “One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me.”

So the Pope punched her.

Possibly our only hope in the battle to free ourselves from the tyranny of Kitty Shark:

It’s the Rhi special, cos she’s so spesh:

All your Judas Priest covers come to life:


14 thoughts on “Quiet, dignified slurping”

  1. Your mom likes it. I actually say that illustration as a tattoo once. They say the line between bravery and foolhardiness is very thin indeed…

  2. The tea item reminded me very much of When the Wind Blows by Raymond Briggs.

    It’s an awesomely depressing book about an elderly retired couple doing their not very good best to cope with the aftermath of a nuclear war.

      1. I remember the same as a small kid. The images were everywhere: When the Wind Blows, Terminator 2, Threads, WarGames ,Z for Zachariah, the ‘Breathing’ video…

        and, of course, on the actual news with Operation Ryan, PSYOP, INF systems deployed in West Germany United Kingdom (and the CND campaigns to oppose them) and, of course, operation Able Archer…

        I had endless nightmares. The fear tactics of those politics were much better that today’s terrorist in the closest tripe :>

        1. Me too. Though for “had” read “still have”.

          We lived in a big railway town, thee one megatonne warheads for us specially, then there was an RAF base up the road, the atomic weapons research establishment northwest and the atomic weapons production place southwest. Oh, and Greenham Common 15 miles away, so we’d have US nuclear cruise missles driving around the countryside on trucks, the likely Soviet response being to carpet our locality with moderate-yield warheads, closely spaced.

          Yeah, we’d have been fucked. It does mean, thought, that I can say “kids these days, no backbone. Terrorism? Pah, we used to dream about terrorism like todays. Bunch of wussies, these modern folk” and other such grumpy old man talk.

          1. Are you from Reading or maybe Swindon then? … sorry if you’ve told me this before before …

            Ah, yes, the good old days when terrorists actually blewed stuffs up 🙂 In 1991-2 I was caught behind lines/evacuated in 6 different bomb scares in London… of course in 4 cases there were no actual bombs, just abandoned push-chairs, fish’n’chips and the like …

          2. Reading, though just far enough out of town and with a hill in the right place that we should have survived the initial blast and heat flash. And we were in a spread-out enough suburb that the resulting firestorm should have been insufficiently lethal to take us out before we fled to the countryside. So it’d be death by radiation poisoning over days or weeks, and if we survived that then it’d be starvation over winter.

            Oh, happy days of carefree innocence…

      2. When I was at University, the general consensus was that it was pointless having children as there would be no world for them to grow up in, assuming they survived the holocaust of nuclear war…

        And we regularly sang songs like

        J F Kennedy looked out,
        found the view attractive,
        as the fallout lay about,
        deep and radioactive.
        Brightly burned Berlin that night,
        witness to our freedom,
        when Nick Khrushchev came in sight,
        carrying a Cee-ee-Bomb.

        to the tune of Good King Wenceslas…
        My we were a cynical bunch in those days….

        I now have 8 kids & 6 grandkids, so I guess I’ve mellowed a bit since then – just a bit!

        1. I can remember:

          “We will all go together when we go,
          Every Hottentot and every Eskimo.
          When the air becomes uranious,
          We will all go simultaneous.
          Yes we all will go together when we go…”

          1. Ah, but that’s Tom Lehrer standing in front of an audience with a recorder running…

            I even have the mp3 of it, several times over, on various assorted compilations of his work, most of which is still funny…

    1. What I found more depressing was the lead-in, with them blithely assuming that it’ll be just like WWII, and hope and determination would carry them through.

      Here’s an archive of the government advice at the time:
      Protect and Survive

      Given that the country could take 50% casualties in the first fifteen minutes, and then 20-40% over the next few weeks, the advice provided a great source for entertainment. Err… and that’s about all it was good for.

      1. I can remember by step-dad bringing home some of those in the mid ’90s after our county council bunker had been turned into more office space for the traffic assessment team he was currently working with. The movie part of the Protect and Survive campaign was made by the Charley Says people … maybe it was a bit dark for the Prodigy at that time 😉

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