Driver board, Mark 3

Judging from current experience, whenever I’ve built a huge unstoppable war machine and managed to delay the Hero so that he arrives just late enough not to be able to stop me from making the required Tedious Speech about ruling the world, laughing maniacally, then throwing the Big Red Switch, it’ll go:

and then I’ll say “oh, f’kinell, I’ve connected the power supply the wrong way around yet again, haven’t I? Hang on, be five minutes”. And the Hero will have a cup of tea, and I’ll have to pfaff about with said huge unstoppable war machine, plug things in again, check them this time, repeat the Tedious Speech, laugh maniacally, throw the Big Red Switch once again, it’ll go:

And there’ll be this nasty burning smell, a couple of little red lights will go on, and I’ll say “err… dunno what that was but it’s not good… this could take a while…”

And the Hero will just toddle off home, safe in the knowledge that humanity is spared, as usual.

12 thoughts on “Driver board, Mark 3”

    1. Then several months later, when everyone has let their guard down, the huge unstoppable war machines (mark 13) dive from the heavens and I get to be ruler of the Universe. All of humanity cowers in terror and hopes that there’s some weird glitch where the global kill counter overflows, sets up a race condition, causing each war machine to freeze whilst waiting for the other war machines to unfreeze, and humanity can then use them as coat racks.

      (Update from reality – the new design driver seems to work, and can rapidly induce migranes. This is good.)

  1. If you were to perhaps slip something into the Hero’s tea, said Hero would then be sleeping, and would be blissfully unaware that it had actually taken you 25 years and a lot of boring policy creation to take over the world, and that the Huge Unstoppable War Machine had been redirected into a shiny toy for the entertainment of the Enslaved Masses..

    ..oh wait…


    Anyway, I have a question. Why do you spell Faff with a p?

    1. I also think that it should be spelled with a P. Not for any good reason, it just *should*. Like it can’t even get itself started properly.

        1. Exactly.

          (My soldering’s definitely improving, only overheated one of the 10 annoyingly temperature-sensitive LEDs this time. Go me!)

    2. Perhaps he’s trying to disguise his HUWMTM as a sewing machine of the same name???

      Then he’ll try to avoid paying royalties on the Trade Mark like all true World Dictators…

      Or is he having trouble stitching the whole mess of gear together properly and will have to go out and purchase said Sewing Machine to do it with???

  2. I think your problem is the big red switch.
    Use some incredibly obscure command-line set of options running on some ancient beige PC, something like “wddstry -fA /dev/everything -atime 0” and then you’ll know that when it fails, all you have to do is start trying different options and you’ll eventually find it.

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